As I was reading back in my journal, I realized that there is a part of this journey that is the real backbone of how Lighthouse began, but it is very personal and hard to share. I have always had a beautiful life, rich with fun memories and amazing people! Just like everyone else I experienced trials and hard times but they were nothing more than typical. Things started to change in 2014. The trials that came made me feel as though I had been tossed into the waves of the ocean and each trial/wave would come and knock me down. I would come up long enough to catch my breath and be knocked over again. I had enough bearing to know that there was a purpose for each wave but I could not fathom what it was.
Early 2015 was when my tsunami hit. At this point I was quite physically ill. My back would seize and hold in awkward, painful positions and not allow me to do my daily duties for up to 2 weeks at a time. The episodes had gotten worse after each pregnancy and were happening more frequently each time. I also had other ailments, and the doctors were checking lumps here and there for cancer and other fearful diagnoses. Beyond my physical body, my emotional state was at its worst! I was struggling with depression, consumed by fear and my marriage was hanging by a thread, if that.
This tsunami drug me to rock bottom and I knew I had a choice. I could either accept that the rock of my salvation was Jesus Christ and hand over all of my fears, or I could try and fight my way up for air on my own. I made the choice to let the atonement help me. Immediately, I felt freed! Of course after taking a breath of air, I began kicking again by instinct as the new waves hit. It became very clear when I was relying on my Savior and when I was out there alone. I knew then that I was willing to give my life to my Savior in order to have the life I desired. I felt like I could see the ocean for what it was and I threw in my fears and started to fully rely on my Savior. Just as I did, I got the most illogical impression. I felt that there was a child waiting for us on the other side. A child who wanted to come to our family. Logically I knew that one more pregnancy could mean that I would never walk again, due to my back issues. I thought my marriage was ending and logically bringing another child into a home that may not last was a terrible choice! I could not come up with any logical reason to move forward. I then felt a prompting to trust in the Lord and he would heal me completely. Of course I thought the healing would come first so I could handle the pregnancy, but that was not the case. We agreed to bring that life into our family and 1 month later I was pregnant. My husband was thrilled but my fears returned. I endured that pregnancy and was so busy being afraid that I didn’t always realize that my marriage was improving or my back was getting better.
In January 2016 I delivered a healthy baby and I started to accept the miracles taking place. From the day I agreed to have that child until today, my back has not seized. My pain and lumps are miraculously gone and my marriage is the best it has ever been. I learned that my logic and the Lord’s logic are not the same. I learned that God is all powerful and there is no need to fear when we follow his will. I also learned where much is given, much is expected.
When my baby turned 4 months old, my husband and I started getting more educated and involved in understanding human trafficking. Days after praying together about what we could do to help with the many who are taken we received a phone call from someone we didn’t know. He had expressed to my brother that he wanted to help children in the Philippines by finding them shelters so they could be rescued. My brother asked him to call me. I was so excited that our prayer had been answered so quickly! I could feel the Lord’s love for his suffering children and I started searching right away. I called orphanages and contacted family members for connections or to see if they would foster, etc. At the end of the day I had no answers and not a soul who could help. I got on my knees again for direction of who to contact or how to go about it and it was then that my answer came so clearly that we were the answer. We were to move our family to the Philippines and open a shelter. It was illogical and crazy, but it was clear! I have seen miracles every day since then to reconfirm that this is his will. I experienced his healing powers and I am looking forward to witnessing the healing he brings to the children that he allows us to shelter!